You are your father’s son

For those of you that follow me on instagram and twitter (@miss_amyleigh), this is old news, but I just couldn’t resist not sharing it again.

I was looking through some old baby photos of Jake and found an eerie similarity between him and Kolsen. Maybe I’m the only who sees it, but can you guess who is who?!

Jake is on the left and Kolsen is on the right. Crazy, right?!

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4 Month Update

The last month has been a fun filled, crazy busy time for our household – explanation for lack of posts lately. We had Kolsen’s baptism, Carrie Underwood concert (my Mother’s day gift), NDSU Homecoming, a visit from two of my best girlfriends, birthdays, and a trip to Arizona for another one of my best friend’s wedding! All this going on while still soaking up every ounce of cuteness and loveyness of Kolsen. I seriously cannot get enough of him.

:::Kolsen had his 4 month checkup today:::Here’s the update:::

19 Weeks: 18.4 lbs (89th percentile) / 27.5 inches (100th percentile)

Doctor’s Notes: For his height and weight, he is about the size of an 8 month old! {crazy how fast he’s growing!}, great head control, passed all of his social, communication, and mobile skills with flying colors. He is ready to start solids whenever we want; I think we’re going to wait a few more weeks though.

  • Sleep Habits: Kolsen has been sleeping in his crib since the end of September. The transition was pretty seamless; he didn’t seem to really notice the change. We got the Motorola Digital Baby Video Monitor -and I love it! It was more expensive than I was originally looking for, but I got a good deal on it and it’s been so nice to have. Bedtime routine now starts between 7:15-7:45pm. Still getting a bath most nights and a bottle every  night. His sleeping habits are kind of all over the place lately though. Sometimes he’ll sleep through the night, sometimes he’ll get up around 4:00am, and other times he’s up at 1:00am and 5:00am. He’s starting teething, so I think this could be part of the culprit.
  • Eating Habits: He eats 5 ounces about every 3-4 hours during the day.
  • Loves: He still loves putting his hands, fingers, and toys in his mouth; drooling all the time. He’s also recently discovered his toes and he’s able to grab things now. He’s a pro-roller mastering from back to tummy. Still working on tummy to back. He loves being able to sit (with some help) and look at what’s going on. He laughs so much when Daddy tickles his feet and neck with his beard.  He really enjoys tummy time now – a huge smile beams from his face with pride. When he’s doing tummy time instead of propping himself up on his elbows, he extends his arms straight back and legs arch up and he looks like he’s sky diving.
  • Hates: Waiting for his bottle still, but now that he’s on more of a schedule we usually have a bottle ready for him. He gets frustrated when he rolls onto his tummy and can’t roll back over. Being such a happy baby, there isn’t much time when he’s upset.

:::Here’s a little look at the past month:::

The day I’ve been dreading…

Welp. The dreaded day has arrived. The day I’ve put off in my mind for the past 12 weeks. The day that would magically disappear if I didn’t think about it. The day that I’ve tried to avoid and yet, somehow it just crept it’s slimy little self into my reality.

Yup. I’m back at work.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is absolutely no reflection on where or who I work with. I really actually enjoy it. But the thought of not being at home with my little guy for every smile to poopy diaper about brings me to tears as I type this.

While I know that Kolsen is in great hands while I’m away, it doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, I was a mess last night. A crying, blubbery mess at just the mere sight of my babe. As the night was closing in on his bedtime, it hit me. {Get ready for the dramatics}

What if I miss something?

What if I miss one of his firsts?  

This is the last time I’ll get to hold him before daycare.

This is the last time he’s going to see me before daycare.

This is the last time he’s going to smile at me before daycare.

This is the last time I’m going to change his diaper before daycare… Yup. Just went there.

Now, if you know me, I don’t get too overly emotional about many things.  In fact, in high school my basketball coach would yell at me for not showing enough emotion. Just call me Lady Gaga because I have a very good poker face. While I can be pretty stoic on the outside at times {and can come off a little harsh – hey, I’m a work in progress too…}, I can be a complete ball of jittery nerves and sea of tears on the inside.

As my luck would have it, the dreaded morning arrived too quickly. My first instinct was to wake Kolsen up and just hold him for a few hours…is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is, because as Jake scooted out the door to daycare, I wanted to give him “just one more kiss”, “just one more squeeze”, “just one more time to tell him I love him”…and then that was it. My baby was off to daycare.

I was sitting in my car trying to hold myself together {I couldn’t go back to work with bloodshot eyes and mascara streaming down my face. Not exactly the look I was going for}, but what I needed to do and what I wanted to do were two opposite things. Chase after Jake’s car like a crazy lady, grab my baby and go cuddle the rest of the day or go to work…I realized what I need to do and being strong and letting go was my only option.

You see, I can be a bit of  a control freak at times.  And as I face this letting-go-of-control-thing head on, I realize it is somewhat necessary. Easy? Heck no. Worth it? I think so.

I have slowly started to realize that letting go doesn’t mean that things will fall apart. That if things don’t get done the exact way that I would do them, it’s still going to be okay. Everything will be okay. I have faith that He will make them okay. And if it doesn’t seem okay at first, I must remember that this is God’s way of challenging and teaching me that in time, it will be.

In the end, I think this will make me a better momma, make me appreciate the time I do have with him, help him grow in ways that I might not be able to offer, and to give my family new experiences that we might not know of otherwise. And if at the end of the day that’s what we get – I’m okay with that.

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